“Spare a thought for her,” Phoenix abuse mom’s friend says

Boyfriend films as mom grossly abuses daughter

A friend to the Phoenix mom who was caught on video slapping, kicking and trampling on her 4-year-old daughter, has come out to defend her. She blames her friend’s actions on her troubled state brought about by the abusive relationship she has had with her boyfriend.

The 29-year-old woman contacted KZN WATCH and begged our correspondent not to divulge her identity fearing a backlash from the Phoenix community from where the abuse happened. She says she understands the public’s anger towards her friend and the boyfriend, especially when considering the pain the victim endured and continue to suffer as she recovers.


“Please spare a thought for my friend, she is also a victim in this matter,” she said.

We have published her correspondence with KZN WATCH exactly as it is.

I wish the public could spare a thought for my friend, the mother in the Phoenix child abuse video. She is a good friend of mine and I must make it clear that I do not condone violence towards any human being especially the vulnerable in the society. I feel the pain for the little girl as much as everyone does so I don’t care if anyone will judge me but i am just going to ask people to have this other perspective which seem to have evaded everyone’s mind.

My friend is a victim herself in this whole matter, she has been abused physically and emotionally by her boyfriend for the duration of their relationship. I tried to influence her to abandon the relationship but it has proved to be a very tall order for her.

After every abuse episode she would promise me she was going to leave him but in no time the efforts would just fizzle out.


There are countless times that she came to work with a swollen eye and I would help cover her lies that it was an infection, a move that I am ashamed to have undertaken.

She told me that her boyfriend called her nasty names, hurt him physically, always threatened her and called her daughter a useless rotten kid.

All that should make any reasonable person to see the kind of abuse my friend went through.

I have been to her place many times but she would make sure I only visit when her boyfriend was not there while she has never visited me because her boyfriend apparently would not allow it.

She in turn has tried to hide it when her boyfriend was mad or when she was assaulted and when I eventually managed to get her to tell me, she would breakdown and cry.

I saw a helpless woman who thought there was nothing anyone could do to help her and I feel very bad now that she has broken down to the extent of transferring her pain and suffering to her own child. I promise you though that she feels sorry for her daughter just as everyone is doing.


If you saw the video, it does not require a psychology professor to notice that the woman is troubled. Listen word to word and tell me if you hear any logic in what she was saying. I only hear an overwhelmed abuse victim who does not know what else to do to cope with her own abuse. It is clearly evident that her whole world has come crashing on her and everything she does there does not represent her sober self.

I would personally die for my kids and no amount of physical harm or threat would change my stance but add prolonged emotional abuse on there you could see worse than what is in the video.

What I am asking the public is just to spare a thought for my friend, she is indeed a victim forced into performing a horrendous act which I know she regrets right now.

The real culprit is in Westville Prison now, rightfully so because if he had not physically and emotionally abused my friend we would have been talking about crime that has besieged our beautiful Phoenix community.

The views expressed herein does not in way reflect those of KZN WATCH.

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